Love and Things Left Unsaid
I love my wife. More than anything in this world. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her, and I feel most complete as a person when I’m with her.
But I have to admit to you that there are ways I don’t love my wife well. It seems like a contradiction, doesn’t it?
If we look at love as an emotional connection or physical response, maybe I could make myself feel better. If love is never having to say I’m sorry, or finding someone who completes me, or someone I can’t live without, or wanting the rest of my life to start with that person as soon as possible, or a feeling even death can’t stop, only delay for a while; then I could maybe rest a little easier.
Our Rom-Com, Disney-informed love story is part of the equation, but it isn’t all there is to loving someone well.
November 4, 1998, is when love was awakened in me, through a 4 hour conversation with a remarkable and interesting person I had only just begun to get to know. By Thanksgiving I knew she was the person I wanted to marry. Over the next 18 months there were plenty of romantic gestures and moments you might find in a Romantic Comedy. There were also plenty of boneheaded and selfish comments and actions. And there were struggles and tragedies and joys and moments of contentment.
Misha and I were married on June 24, 2000. There are moments in our lives when it seems like, in that moment, our capacity for love is maxed out and we’ve reached our absolute limit. Then we’re surprised to find that our capacity for love multiplies with each child we have, each new person we bring into our lives.
But we have a persistent problem. Our Sin Nature plays itself out through selfishness, pride, and struggle for power. As much as we love the people in our lives, and as much as we would do anything for them, we still claim our rights, we still work for our own self-interest, and we still hurt those we claim to love most.
It’s in this context that True Love enters the scene. “Be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love…” Paul tells us. But this isn’t just any kind of love. This is the love that drove Christ to sacrifice Himself and offer His life for ours.
So the command really is, “Give up your life for others.”
If I am going to love the people around me well, I am going to need to put to death my rights, my will, my desires, for the good of the beloved. And, as Paul continues in Ephesians 5, I am going to submit all of these things to the other person. My rights, my will, my desires take second place to yours.
This is how I reflect God’s love to the people around me.
But I have to admit to you that there are ways I don’t love my wife well. It seems like a contradiction, doesn’t it?
- I would literally give my life for my wife because of the depth of my love for her.
- I consistently and repeatedly don’t love my wife well.
If we look at love as an emotional connection or physical response, maybe I could make myself feel better. If love is never having to say I’m sorry, or finding someone who completes me, or someone I can’t live without, or wanting the rest of my life to start with that person as soon as possible, or a feeling even death can’t stop, only delay for a while; then I could maybe rest a little easier.
Our Rom-Com, Disney-informed love story is part of the equation, but it isn’t all there is to loving someone well.
November 4, 1998, is when love was awakened in me, through a 4 hour conversation with a remarkable and interesting person I had only just begun to get to know. By Thanksgiving I knew she was the person I wanted to marry. Over the next 18 months there were plenty of romantic gestures and moments you might find in a Romantic Comedy. There were also plenty of boneheaded and selfish comments and actions. And there were struggles and tragedies and joys and moments of contentment.
Misha and I were married on June 24, 2000. There are moments in our lives when it seems like, in that moment, our capacity for love is maxed out and we’ve reached our absolute limit. Then we’re surprised to find that our capacity for love multiplies with each child we have, each new person we bring into our lives.
But we have a persistent problem. Our Sin Nature plays itself out through selfishness, pride, and struggle for power. As much as we love the people in our lives, and as much as we would do anything for them, we still claim our rights, we still work for our own self-interest, and we still hurt those we claim to love most.
It’s in this context that True Love enters the scene. “Be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love…” Paul tells us. But this isn’t just any kind of love. This is the love that drove Christ to sacrifice Himself and offer His life for ours.
So the command really is, “Give up your life for others.”
If I am going to love the people around me well, I am going to need to put to death my rights, my will, my desires, for the good of the beloved. And, as Paul continues in Ephesians 5, I am going to submit all of these things to the other person. My rights, my will, my desires take second place to yours.
This is how I reflect God’s love to the people around me.
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